JolieSimons.com

I’ll admit it: I’m a Vista hater.

I purchased the seminal Microsoft product recently when I bought a new laptop for work. The laptop works okay. I got a good deal on it, certainly, but it comes with a version of the Vista operating system.

Since then, I’ve been battling Vista on what seems like a daily basis. This OS is so huge that it dwarfs the 1 GB of RAM I have. Since then, I’ve battled lockups from opening too many programs at once, and become frustrated at the insanely long time I have to wait just to start up my computer in the morning.

I should also mention that I purchased a Zune, the Microsoft-made MP3 player and Microsoft’s answer to Apple’s wildly successful iPod. Turns out that refurb Zune I bought for such a steal online recently decided to up and die on us.

My husband and I, not expecting much, went ahead and sent the Zune off to Microsoft for repairs. After all, the player was under warranty, but it was a refurb model purchased for cheap. I wasn’t holding out a lot of hope.

Two weeks later, much to our chagrin, Microsoft sent us a lovely FedEx package. It was our new Zune, a replacement for the old one that didn’t work anymore. It was even the same color and was all new: no scratches, no dents, no greasy fingerprints from trying to play the Zune through the car stereo while simultaneously sucking down some Taco Bell on your way to work.

I should also mention that we own an Xbox 360 that has also required repair, and we have never been turned down for our repair requests.

I love a company that stands behind what they sell. Screw hating on Vista all the time. I love Microsoft.

Here’s our new-to-us Zune. Isn’t it a beut?

There’s just something about the band Electric Six, the band from Detroit that has, on numerous occasions, rocked my face right off. I discovered them whilst downloading large amounts of pirated copyrighted material from the Internet using my college’s fat pipes. Among the many discoveries I made that year–Elton John is kind of overrated!–was Electric Six. Since then, my husband, friends and I have followed this band around like lost puppies for years now. We catch nearly every show they have in Missouri, along with many other Midwestern shows. Dick Valentine and the boys had us at “Danger! High Voltage.”

Now, apart from recent albums like I Shall Exterminate Everything Around Me That Restricts Me From Being the Master–yeah, dig the title–, they’ve also written and probably performed some of the music for a hip, new viral web campaign.

And who knew the ads would be for milk? Perhaps the milk people didn’t know that Electric Six once released a song encouraging nuclear war on the dance floor or proclaiming that they “buy the drugs.” But I digress.

The new concept is White Gold, an off-kilter funk-metal band fronted by some dweeb in a bad wig and two sassy ladies on bass and drums. They’ve released two videos on YouTube and an album on iTunes called All I Can Give is 2%. They were also featured in a short Newsweek blurb about how some middle aged white dudes are trying to make milk hip through viral Internet marketing.

So me, sucker for this band and sometimes-band-guestlist member, decided to check out White Gold. The verdict? I know it’s a corporate jingle, in essence, but it rocks. It’s got that cheeky Electric Six vibe going on. The vocals are clearly being performed by E6 lead singer Dick Valentine. As for the instrumentation, White Gold is missing the vital keyboards and rich instrumentation that comes with having six band members. No word yet on whether the rest of the band is performing on All I Can Give is 2%. I’ll ask them the next time I see them, which could be a while because I hear they’re taking a break from touring to work on their new album.

Go buy some Electric Six. You won’t be sorry. Also, White Gold’s two current music videos can be seen below. Enjoy!

This intrepid (if I do say so myself) reporter was sitting at her desk, minding her own business, getting some work writing done when another quake rocked the Midwest. No reports yet on if this quake was an aftershock of the previous quake or an entirely new quake.

As you may know, an earthquake powered through the Midwest at about 4:30 this morning, central time. I was in bed and was awoken by the slight shaking which felt a lot like a large truck passing by. Of course, no such truck rolled by and eventually the panes in our windows stopped rattling. The main quake was centered near Bellmont, Illinois, near the border of Indiana. A New York Times report claims that the quake could be felt as far away as Cincinnati and Milwaukee.

There is no word yet on the quake that just occurred at roughly 10:15 this morning. We don’t yet know the magnitude or reason for the shaking.

Our quake measured 5.2 on the Richter scale. As you may remember from school, the Richter scale is a scale that measures the amount of energy released in an earthquake. Even a tenth of a point on the scale is a significant difference in the amount of energy released. A quake of this magnitude is enough to cause damage to poorly designed buildings or rattle pictures off of walls. Those of us who live in well-constructed buildings have little to worry about.

St. Louis, where I live, sits in a silt-covered valley where two major rivers converge, the Mississippi and Missouri. This silty material provides a great way to transmit the waves created by an earthquake. Other areas of the midwest that sit close to bedrock probably won’t feel the quake as well, if at all.

For more information on the Richter magnitude scale, see the Wikipedia article.

I don’t understand why critics didn’t like Leatherheads.

Actually, I understand completely why critics didn’t warm up to Leatherheads. The comedy was much like a movie you’d see sixty years ago. The comedy was slapstick and more than a little dependent on the comedy mechanisms of yesteryear.

Renée Zellweger plays a classic ballbuster journalist, fresh from the boy’s club in red lips and well-coiffed hair. John Krasinski plays the boy fresh off the farm, so to speak, as the young college student about to essentially make the world of professional football. George plays the well-meaning yet old bad boy, ready to school the young Krasinski in the true way of the world. The movie is full of those old movie gender dynamics: the love/hate relationship, the unconventional attraction, the somewhat happy and traditional ending.

For all of that, I actually liked Leatherheads. Liking the movie was key because Clooney has now thrice proven himself to be a highly competent director. No longer considered a bad-boy bachelor of Hollywood or interpreted as his character from ER, Clooney has become a film genius. Good for him.

Watch the special features on Confessions of a Dangerous Mind to find out how hard Clooney went to prove himself as more than a pretty face. This labor of love, based on a book written by Chuck Barris, became a masterful black comedy about what would happen to a man who was a game show host by day an a CIA hitman by night.

What is most striking about Confessions, and later Good Night and Good Luck, is how good Clooney’s eye is. Clooney does what so many directors hope to do: he dreams his films in pictures. Some filmmakers do it for dialogue. Some for explosions. Some for visuals. Clooney uses good scripts and his boyish charm to make his movies, and the formula works. Confessions used low-tech camera tricks and well-framed shots to paint pictures. Good Night and Good Luck filled the screen, even in black and white. Leatherheads is soft and dreamy, much like you’d expect of a slapstick comedy set in the twenties.

Clooney is now set to make his fourth film called Suburbicon, written and produced by the Coen brothers. Details about the script and plot are sketchy, but fans of the Coens and Clooney (like myself) can’t wait for another collaboration between the two, not seen since O Brother, Where Art Thou?.

I don’t care what the critics say. George Clooney has made three great movies. Can’t wait for the fourth.

Just in time for the 2008 Beijing Summer Games…

Turns out that Geffen Records and insiders are claiming that the legendary record by G&R, Chinese Democracy, will finally come out. Finally. We’ve been waiting 14 years.

Of course, this record is post-Slash. Rumors have been flying around for years as to when Guns and Roses are finally going to release this record. In what looks like a clever marketing scheme, we may even see the record in time for the summer games in Beijing. Ha ha, get it? Chinese Democracy?

Seriously, this could just be another rumor, so I’m not holding my breath.

This blogger’s tough questions have been nearly answered. Seems like the Yearning for Zion (YFZ) ranch, the fundamentalist Mormon compound in west Texas near Eldorado, was systematically committing crimes against girls, some as young as 14. Recently officials in Texas announced that they’d found a bed within the large, white temple on the compound, which can be seen in the picture above. This bed may have been used for the sexual assault of young, underage girls. Officials aren’t releasing specific details, but we do know that long, female hairs were found on the bed.

As reported earlier on this blog, the YFZ ranch was a large ranch purchased by the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints, or FLDS, a sect that broke away from traditional Mormons over the decision to no longer allow polygamy within the church. The FLDS claims to carry on the legacy of Joseph Smith and other founding Mormons and they do this on large, self-sufficient compounds.

Men on these compounds have been said to have up to 20 wives. Women aren’t permitted to wear red, cut their hair, or choose their own husbands. The raid on the compound is said to be related to the systematic abuse of young girls who were forced into marrying much older husbands. Officials also site concerns of physical child abuse against many children on the compound.

The sixteen year old girl who made the call that initiated the raid has still not been found, though officials claim that she complained not only of clear sexual abuse given her young age, but also physical abuse at the hands of her husband.

While I don’t much mind if a religious sect wants to practice polygamy as part of their religious tradition, I DO have a problem with community-wide abuse of children, both physically and sexually. My greatest concern, and I’m sure I share this sentiment with many others, is for the safety and wellbeing of the women and children who are currently in protective custody or living in alternate housing. I’m sure many of our thoughts and prayers are with these women and children.

Editor’s note: An update to this story can be found here.

In Eldorado Texas, in the scrub of the West Texas prairie, Child Protective Services and law enforcement officials are going door-to-door at a massive, self-sufficient Fundamentalist Mormon compound. So far they have detained more than 400 children and put them in protective custody. Many more women and children are being held in interim housing off the compound, and men on the compound have been separated until the search warrants have been conducted.

At issue is the Yearning for Zion compound in Texas, a large property purchased by the Fundamentalist Mormon church known as the FLDS. On the compound, church members had created factories, a church building, farming, ranching, and everything needed for self-sufficiency. Recently the FLDS’s leader, Warren Jeffs, was convicted of several sex-related crimes, including being an accomplice to the rape of an underage girl. Jeffs apparently arranged a marriage between a fourteen-year old girl and her cousin, something that’s illegal in the state of Texas.

Authorities were tipped off by an unidentified sixteen-year old girl who was forced into marriage with an older man and had a child. Authorities claim they still have not identified this woman or her child, and are not sure if she is among the women and children who are currently being housed in controlled housing.

The claim of authorities is that the raid on the compound isn’t about the religious beliefs of the members but more about the systematic abuse of children. The more than 400 children in custody currently are there because authorities claimed these children were in immediate danger of abuse from family and others.

It’s hard to believe that a single report from a single girl is enough to raid an entire community and place hundreds of children in custody. The whole reaction smells of religious condemnation from the state rather than simple concern over child wellbeing. In the United States, we are supposed to have the freedom to practice our religion as we see fit, providing our religion abides by the laws of the United States, and even then there are some exceptions. The notable example of the Native American Church and its use of peyote is one example. In this case, the issue of polygamy is at issue since polygamy is technically illegal, assuming that a single man wants to be legally married to more than one woman. In these compounds, however, the man isn’t legally marrying more than one woman, though subsequent wives will be “married” in the church though not married in the eyes of the state.

The systematic abuse of children should never be tolerated, of course, but officials in Texas should proceed with extreme caution. If children are indeed being abused as reported, the perpetrators should be convicted to the fullest extent of the law. A raid on a fundamentalist compound should not be about eradicating a religious preference, but protecting children in legitimate danger. Texas is in no position to begin an ideology war with FLDS members. Their aim should only be about crimes committed.

TV fans can see the world of the FLDS fictionalized in the HBO series Big Love which chronicles one man and his struggles against persecution as a believer in FLDS doctrine, including polygamy.

In truly one of the saddest and most touching speeches ever given by a politician, Robert F. Kennedy, former presidential candidate and brother of John F. Kennedy, delivered a speech at a rally in Indianapolis on this day in history, April 4th, 1968, forty years ago today. His speech is considered one of the great speeches ever delivered by a politician.

RFK was in Indianapolis to give a stump speech as part of his presidential campaign. As a politician, Kennedy had changed over the years. He was no longer the same man he’d been only a few short years before. Once the hawkish Attorney General during his brother’s presidency, Kennedy had changed in a short period of time after his brother’s tragic assassination. He’d changed his position on nearly everything: the war in Vietnam, poverty, and the awful racial tension that was about to explode in the country. In fact Kennedy’s police escorts refused to accompany him to his speech in Indianapolis fearing racial violence.

The crowd in Indianapolis had not yet heard that Martin Luther King, Jr. had just been assassinated and killed in Memphis, and Kennedy took it upon himself to tell the crowd. In a short speech, he not only told the mostly black crowd the awful news, but calmed them. He reminded everyone that his own brother had been similarly assassinated and he knew the pain of their loss. He also quoted Aeschylus with this powerful quote about despair:

And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.

–Aeschylus

That night, in hundreds of cities across America, riots broke out over the news of King’s death. In Indianapolis, however, the streets were quiet as the country, and also the world, mourned King’s death.

RFK would later die the same year, also assassinated.

You can see Robert F. Kennedy’s powerful speech in Indianapolis below:

Everyone’s favorite celeb-mocking gossip blog, Perez Hilton, has posted this new photograph of the boys of New Kids on the Block. Apparently there’s enough reason for them to get back together in order to take this nifty publicity shot, looking hot in nice suits and sans mullets.

Perhaps NKOTB is getting back together?

I’ll probably be showing my age, but I was a huge, huge New Kids on the Block fan as a kid. I had a t-shirt and paperback book filled with black and white photos and band member profiles. Did you know that Danny really loves Oreos and that his bandmates called him “cookie monster?” I think that factoid was in there.

Anyway, I love kitsch from my childhood and would love to see an NKOTB reunion. Danny, Donny, Joe, John, and Jordan deserve another chance. Looks like Jordan isn’t even the hot one anymore.